I have realized over the past several months how much I am lacking in the area of emotion and empathy. It seems like I live life in "neutral". Experiencing bits and pieces of joy and happiness, bits and pieces of pain and grief. But very, very rarely experiencing true pain, despair. Very rarely experiencing true, abundant joy.
I have always taken it upon myself to be the "steady" one. Perhaps this comes along with the first-born title. Feeling the responsibility to make sure things don't become too chaotic, and emotions don't spin out of control. But because of this mind set, I bury my emotions. Times when I want to respond with an outburst of tears, I will instead remain composed.
And I don't like it.
So my prayer has been that I would be able to rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. To feel a full range of emotion, the way that Jesus did while He was on this earth.
For some reason, God seems to be answering this prayer during a season of "weeping".
Family and friends have experienced so much hurt, sorrow and pain in the recent months.
Typically, upon hearing about anothers pain or suffering, I would pray for them, encourage them, etc...but very rarely experienced "weeping with them".
I am thankful...SO thankful, that God is beginning to change and renew this part of my heart.
This may sound strange, but it feels good to hurt :)
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