Weep with those who weep

Romans 12:15 "Rejoice with those who rejoice. Weep with those who weep."

I have realized over the past several months how much I am lacking in the area of emotion and empathy. It seems like I live life in "neutral". Experiencing bits and pieces of joy and happiness, bits and pieces of pain and grief. But very, very rarely experiencing true pain, despair. Very rarely experiencing true, abundant joy.

I have always taken it upon myself to be the "steady" one. Perhaps this comes along with the first-born title. Feeling the responsibility to make sure things don't become too chaotic, and emotions don't spin out of control. But because of this mind set, I bury my emotions. Times when I want to respond with an outburst of tears, I will instead remain composed.

And I don't like it.

So my prayer has been that I would be able to rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. To feel a full range of emotion, the way that Jesus did while He was on this earth.

For some reason, God seems to be answering this prayer during a season of "weeping".

Family and friends have experienced so much hurt, sorrow and pain in the recent months.

Typically, upon hearing about anothers pain or suffering, I would pray for them, encourage them, etc...but very rarely experienced "weeping with them".

I am thankful...SO thankful, that God is beginning to change and renew this part of my heart.

This may sound strange, but it feels good to hurt :)

I don't know what to title this....

I'm sitting here on a beautiful autumn Sunday afternoon, wanting to write. I don't have anything specific or desperate to share with you, so this will probably just be a collection of random thoughts.

We are resting within the first few days of my favorite season.

The first weeks of autumn after a long midwest summer are always the best. There is something about the cool air that just makes me feel refreshed, makes me feel good and alive. It makes me want to throw on a cozy sweater, grab a coffee and go outside.

Just be outside.

Be surrounded by the colors, the scents, and the sounds of fall. It makes me want to buy Pumpkin Spice candles, and new cozy socks :0)

How sweet of God to give those of us in the midwest this beautiful season, before the curse of winter sets in. lol

Hmmm...the second category that is on my heart today is, Jesus. Well, He's always on my heart, but you know what I mean.

Man oh man, something is changing and stirring inside of me. Jesus is becoming more real. My sin and desperateness for Him is becoming more real. My heart is becoming more real. A heart that beats, and bleeds, and aches and rejoices. It is growing with love for Him. It is responding in ways I have never felt before. I am learning in a deep way, that it's ok to be broken.

Church Planters. Yes, that's what we are. That title is overwhelming. Now that we are past the 6 month mark here in Omaha, I am starting to feel quite nervous about the huge task that is ahead of us. Am I even capable??? That's an entirely separate blog-post!

Babies. My little one Zoe continues to be such a joy in my life. How wonderful to have a little sweetie whose face lights up every time she sees you! Mr. Javen is beautiful and brilliant. He is always amazing me and cracking me up with the things he says and does. I am truly blessed to be a mommy. It is a gift, and I pray I walk this journey of motherhood with abundant grace and joy.

Well, there is a collection of random thoughts for you. Just a little peek into my mind, which seems to be quite a mystery to most people. :0)

Paleo Progress Report

WOW! It's been SO long since my last blog post...time to get back on track!

I wanted to post an update on this (insane) paleo diet that Justin and I have been doing. For those of you who have never heard of it, you can get more info here. It's basically a "cave-man" diet. Meat, veggies, fruit and nuts are about all that's allowed.

I was really hard-core paleo for about the first 5 days, remaining very strict in my eating. But after about the 4th day, I noticed that Zoe started wanting to nurse constantly. This had me concerned that I wasn't getting the necessary carbs/calories that I need while breastfeeding. I didn't want to lose my "milk-supply"! So on day 5, I added one serving of whole grains per day, back into my diet. This is usually either a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast, or a sandwich on whole grain bread for lunch. The remainder of my day has stayed very paleo :0)

So here we are at day 10, and I'm 3.4 pounds lighter! I'm feeling pretty good too.

The most difficult part for me is having no dairy (I LOVE milk, and crave it often), and also no sugar has been tricky.

I will continue to post 10 day progress reports!

First gift

This morning I received my first official Christmas gift of the season...and I am so excited! These are two super creative guided journals...these journals are created for people who love to create!

The pages instruct you to do things like fill an entire page with one word by writing it over and over again; make an inventory of everything you own; create a self-portrait by listing things that define you...minus your face.

I can't wait to wreck these journals :0) Thank you so much Mackenzie!

Dear Zoe...

Dear Zoe,

I have been thinking about you a lot lately. Only 8 weeks left in this journey of pregnancy before you arrive, though I'll admit, I'm hoping it is slightly sooner.

It is amazing to me that right now, God is crafting you to perfection. He has already given you talents, hopes, and dreams. And He has given me the privilege of being your mother, and watching you walk into those dreams. Every limb, every tiny organ is already functioning perfectly, you are being prepared to enter this great big world. You are such a miracle.

I am curious about you. What will you look like? I know that you will be beautiful, but of course how could you be anything less in my eyes. Will your hair be curly or straight? Brunette, blonde, or a fiery redhead? I know that your eyes will be bright and carry a sparkle, no matter what color they are. What will you be passionate about? In which areas will you excel? Maybe music and art like mommy, or sports and speaking like daddy... I want you to know that you can achieve anything, and you are so special.

You have a daddy who I know will adore you. You will be his princess, and he will give you lots of kisses! You will be cherished.

You have a big brother who already loves you. He can't wait to give you kisses and hugs, and I know he will always protect you and watch out for you, just as a big brother should.

Zoe Grace, this is my prayer for you;

That you will be filled with kindness, compassion, humility and gentleness. You will radiate a beauty that comes from the inside. You will be passionate in your love for Christ, your love for family and for your friends. You will grow to walk with grace, and a sweetness will follow wherever you go. You will impact everyone around you, just by being the incredible girl God has created you to be.

I love you so much,

Mommy

Oh Omaha!

Omaha...Nebraska... NEVER in a million years would I have imagined this would be a place I could be living.

I have often imagined moving somewhere great, like Tampa or Aspen...but Omaha? Not so much.

But yet here we are, in the middle of this adventure of life, and it seems as though Omaha is where God is directing us.

It really is a beautiful place, but still not too far off from our midwestern roots.

I really am excited about this opportunity, but stepping into the unknown and unexperienced is always a little bit scary too.

Justin and I could both travel the Quad Cities blindfolded...we have lived here our whole lives!

We were in Omaha for about 2 1/2 days this past weekend, and got lost almost EVERYWHERE we went!

But I'm sure, like with everything, you adapt. And I'm sure it won't be long before the city and people of Omaha also begin to feel like home.

I have never been outside of my comfort zone when it comes to living environment, or being away from family.

I think it will be good for us. It will force us to open up to new relationships, and I think it will draw us closer as a family as well.

Sometimes surrendering to God...I mean COMPLETELY surrendering...is the most difficult thing to do. It would be so, so, SO much easier to stay here in the QC and just keep doing what we are doing. But when it comes down to it, no matter how painful or how difficult, the voice of God is the only one we should listen to.

What an adventure....here we go!

I'm so ready!

A few months ago, I was dreading the thought of going through the whole labor/delivery/recovery process again. But now??? I can't wait!

When I was pregnant with Javen, I ended up having him 8 days after his due-date. I had a very comfortable pregnancy, up until that last week or so.

I don't understand why this time is so different, but the entire past month has felt like those last 8 days...and I still have 9 weeks to go!

I feel...HEAVY!

I am normally a pretty petite person. So when you throw 30 lbs. of excess weight at me and just expect my hips, back and legs to suddenly support it... well it's not working out too well!

I am looking forward to going into labor. With Javen I think I was a little bit naive about the whole process, I didn't know what I was getting into when I checked into the hospital that day!

But now I know exactly what I'm in for, and I have spent the last several weeks preparing my body and mind. I feel unafraid and empowered to bring this baby girl into the world!

I know that by the grace of God that this labor and delivery is going to be quick, easy, and free of any complications.

I am craving this little girl, I want to see her face....and I would also love to go for a jog. :0)

Can't wait to be non-pregnant!